Run your partner (quietly) through this test.
“If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.” — AA Milne, Winnie the Pooh
I was working with a man who was beating up on himself because he couldn’t make a relationship work.
He’d been married twice and a third serious relationship had just fallen over. He’d taken all the responsibility for these breakups and believed he was just “no good” at building lasting relationships.
It’s common for people who’ve been hurt to have this belief system — but it’s not helpful. It’s more useful to work out why a relationship broke up, your role in it and how you might do things better or differently next time.
That’s not always easy. When you’ve had a difficult relationship history or been traumatised, rejected or hurt, it can shape your beliefs on what you expect, need or want from a relationship.
It can skew your thoughts on what’s acceptable in a partner, what you could (and should) work on — and when you should pack up and run.
7 Most Desirable Traits in a Partner
Whenever I work with people who’ve been hurt we spend time figuring out what a healthy relationship looks like so they’ll go into the next one stronger and clearer about their needs.
We’re all different but, interestingly, the same requirements keep rising to the top. Here they are, with a fresh spin:
1. Kindness: Your partner peels your orange (but only if you like oranges).
“But love can only truly be measured by actions. It can be a small thing, such as peeling an orange for a person you love because you know they don’t like doing it.”
— Marian Keyes
In other words, your partner is kind to you, they pay attention to the little things. Lots of them. Your partner knows what you like — and what you don’t — and delivers on it. He or she will go out of their way to do something small to improve your day. And you’ll do it for them — not because you need to pay back but because you’re a good partner too. Kindness is paramount for a reason. We all have our moments but a mean and critical person will eventually bring it home — and you don’t want to be on the end of it.
Please click (HERE) to read the rest of the story
